”And I realize that no matter where I am, whether in a little room full of thought, or in this endless universe of stars and mountains, it’s all in my mind” - Jack Kerouac
I’ve missed you my friends. It feels like it’s been an eternity since we’ve connected. As a matter of fact we haven’t had a virtual BOOM Huddle since early September, so we are long overdue.
What has transpired since our last huddle? Oh that’s right, the 6-Week Challenge! Congratulations to all the participants and the winners of the challenge! I also hope you’ve enjoyed the “6-Week Challenge Experience” series. I recruited eight brave BOOMers to share their journeys with you in the hopes you could find connection and common ground with them. They stepped far outside of their comfort boxes and created weekly videos examining their setbacks and revelations. It was a privilege to watch their process and hear their thoughts. When someone let’s you in like that, there is a wealth of insight to be gained. Don’t miss those opportunities.
My goal in this process was to show everyone how important self-reflection and behavioral analysis is. In order to make these life changes we need to understand more than just what sabotaging habits we have, we need to understand why we have them. Until we get to the root of it, those weeds will grow back every time. I hope the series was as inspiring for all of you as it was for me. Thank you Shari, Tara, Pat, Jenn, Jeff, Alecia, Stacy and Allyson for opening your hearts to us. I admire each of you so.
Beyond this, I wanted to share a little bit about my 6-week experience from a coaching perspective. What did I learn from all of you? If I had any doubts before about my desire to be a coach or mentor, this experience has solidified that it is what I’m meant to do. It was my mission to be able to help each of my clients in some way that would enhance their quality of life. Whether they struggled with mental or emotional walls, physical challenges, weight loss issues, confusion about nutrition, family challenges etc, I wanted to help them get closer to where they want to be. I saw progress in each and every one of them and it was an absolute pleasure to see these sometimes subtle but very important shifts.
Being a coach is not about me showing you how to live. It’s not about trying to make you model your life after mine. Yes, there are certain habits I keep that you might want to adopt, but the true goal is to help you create a road map to help you get to the life you want to live. Coaches are here to help you with your process. We are here to help you stay the course and coax the best out of you. Our ultimate goal is to get you to a point where you barely need us at all. In fact, the best teachers want to see their students thrive and become even better than they themselves are.
The most important trait we have is the ability to see in you what you can’t yet see yourself. I was absolutely heart broken at how hard most of you are on yourselves. It is something I completely relate to and work on myself. But, my god, we are our own worst enemies. I cannot stress enough how important it is to be your own biggest fan. So many of you came to see me with defeated hearts, feeling ashamed of your perceived lack of progress. “I was bad again this week” I often heard. Too many times to count. Let me be clear. None of you were “bad”. If you ate too much one night, perhaps that was a poor decision because you might not feel so hot and you could end up a bit bloated the next couple days. Sure it is a step backward, but you weren’t bad. You are human. Allow yourself to make those mistakes. I’m not saying throw all discipline out the window and have a free for all. Of course not. Hold yourself accountable. Do the best you can every time. Consistency is the key. Call it cliche, but consistency is truly all you need to get to that life you want to live.
At the end of the day, we must to stop beating ourselves up when we aren’t perfect. Our reactions to our mistakes determine how, and if, we will move through them.
Let’s say you ended up having too much to drink one night. That led to eating too much. You got to bed way too late and next thing you know it’s morning and you feel like you’ve been hit by a truck. Your body now feels lousy and your emotional state is in full “shame-mode”. Do you think it will help to berate and attack yourself?
I’m so worthless. I can’t do anything right. What is wrong with me? I deserve to feel like crap.
Will this self-talk bring you to the high road you’d rather be on or will this just push you deeper into that downward spiral? Deeper into self-loathing. Deeper into depression. The deeper you go, remember the higher you have to climb to get out.
What if you gave yourself some space? What if you acknowledged that you are overworked or completely stressed out and that’s why the wheels fell off in the first place? What if you acknowledged that you are in pain and in need of more self-care, more love?
What if you fully soaked up all the “yuck” you were feeling and let that inform your future decisions? What if your self-talk was more like this:
Wow, I feel like crap when I eat this much or drink this much, maybe I won’t do this again. Maybe I’ll only bring enough cash with me for one drink with friends and leave it at that. Maybe I’ll invite my friends to do something that doesn’t involve alcohol or food at all. Maybe I’ll stay home and enjoy a good movie. Maybe I won’t keep ice cream in my house at all. Maybe I need a massage or a long walk.
Do you see how this self-talk is more supportive and introspective and can potentially start changing behaviors? Do you see how giving yourself space and support can encourage you to do better rather than emotionally wrecking yourself which is more likely to push you deeper into those destructive habits?
Give yourself that space. Give yourself permission to be human. Keep moving forward. I’ve said it a million times, life is a tango. You will take steps backwards. Always. For as long as you live. You will screw up again and again and again. Let that soak in. Accept it.
You will also take steps forward. If you become your own biggest fan you will take LOTS of steps forward. You will reach new heights, you will thrive and you will experience so many beautiful new things. Let that soak in too. Get excited about this life you’re living.
This is what I want to leave you with today. Never give up. Take the more challenging and inadvertently more rewarding road. Always do your best. Life is truly beautiful. Live it the best you can.
If only you could see all the beauty in you that I see.
Until next time my friends. See you in the Boom Room.
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Coach Loni also runs the LFT blog, bringing you informative, uplifting and motivating articles and videos to help you achieve your goals and live your best life.